Super Bowl Predictions
It’s time for another series of Tartan Super Bowl Predictions, and I’m excited to say that Tom Brady will not be featured this year. In what is likely the portents of impending doom for Darth Brady and the Evil Empire, they find themselves on the outside looking in at a Super Bowl between the Chiefs and the 49ers.
Not to beat a dead horse, but seeing fresh faces in the NFL’s Championship game is exciting. Patrick Mahomes has had an all-star caliber season with ESPN rushing to debate whether or not Mahomes is the best to ever play the game after some of the NFL’s best QBs are showing their age: Brady, Roethlisberger, Manning. Jimmy Garrapolo finally gets a chance, too, now that he’s come out from under Brady’s shadow.
But the most exciting thing about this Super Bowl is that both QBs have talented players supporting them on both sides of the ball. The Chiefs’ wide receiving core and 49ers’ run game present challenges to a Niners’ defense that is likely the best in the game right now, and a Chiefs’ defense which has stepped up its game this year. Basically, this Super Bowl is shaping up to be a mixed bag of performances making the game at least a little interesting.
Now, what you’ve all come here for: The Prediction 2020.
Patrick Mahomes gets hurt on the first play of the game, and Miami Dolphins legend and Chiefs second-string QB Matt Moore comes into the game to lead the Chiefs to a blowout victory. Unfortunately, Jimmy Garoppolo can do little to stop the overpowered Chiefs offense, with its newly-found confidence behind the gun-slinging arm of Moore.
At half, Andy Reid will eat an ice cream cone.
At the end of the game, Moore will get to celebrate his tremendous win with a Super Bowl MVP award. Moore will throw for 438 yards on 32 completions across 36 attempts. There will be one interception thrown to 49ers cornerback Richard Sherman.
The 49ers will have a lackluster performance: two fumbles, two interceptions, 200 yards on the ground and none through the air, and they will find themselves in the attacking red zone only once during the game. Garoppolo will throw to a wide open Travis Kelce in the end zone who will step out of bounds before coming down with the ball. They will miss the field goal one play later.
If anybody is interested in betting against me, don't. I would like to keep my money.
The Chiefs are going to have an easy win. Their defense is rock solid, and they only need to finish strong.
Harrison Butker will be the MVP. He has the most heart, and he's going to score a last-minute 35-yard field goal. In fact, at least 30 percent of the Chiefs' points are going to come from field goals. The Chiefs are going to fumble once, but because of their rock-solid defense, they'll intercept twice and force a fumble. The Chiefs will have a 55 percent pass completion rate, far more than the disappointing 32 percent pass completion rate by the 49ers.
At halftime, Mr. Peanut will come back from the dead. The crowd will applaud, but will still be emotionally conflicted, not having fully processed their grief at his death.
Damien Williams will be the MVP for getting 300-plus rushing yards. 31 percent of the Chiefs' points are going to come from field goals.
Football is all about who wants it more and the 49ers aren't going to want it enough — not as much as the Chiefs. The 49ers are going to suffer three interceptions and two fumbles while the Chiefs will suffer two interceptions and two fumbles. One of the four fumbles will be unrecovered, and will just go out of bounds. The completion rate for passes will be 60 percent.
At halftime, there will be a military flyover, and Conan, the dog who ‘killed’ Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, is going to do a HALO drop into the stadium. Everyone will stand and sing the Star-Spangled Banner while saluting Conan in a celebration of country and football. We will recognize in the broken howled chords the last gasp of empire.