Advice for awkward people

Dear Ryan and Matt,

This semester is off to a pretty good start, but one thing is getting to me. My roommate has a new boyfriend, and I’m happy for her, but he is my TA. I see them together each night on the couch cuddling, and watching marathons of Breaking Bad. They are super cute, but this class is going to be a killer for me this semester. What do I do? How do I keep these two lives separate?

Sincerely,
Likes Everyone Verily, Extremely Reticent About Grade Eligibility

Dear LEVERAGE,
We understand that you are obliged to be happy for your roommate and her relationship, but the sad fact of the matter is you should take advantage of the extra time that you have with the TA over everyone else in the class. Milk it for all it is worth. Try to squeeze in some review time when he shows up early and your roommate is still putting on her makeup. Don’t apologize for having “lost the remote” until your homework is done for the week. You might even borrow your roommate’s phone to bribe some extra credit out of him.

You may end up ruining the relationship, but honestly, which is more important: your friendship with your roommate, or that ever-elusive A?

Take the grade,
Matt and Ryan

Dear Matt and Ryan,

My roommate and I get along really well, but there is one thing that has been getting on my nerves. He only does chores around the apartment when he thinks he’ll bring a girl home. I’m all for him meeting new girls, but he goes on so few dates that I’m the one who fears my girlfriend will think I’m living with Howard Hughes.

Any Advice?
Clever, Looking Earnestly About New Uncluttering Practices

Dear CLEANUP,
Simple fix: set up some online dating profiles with his picture and information, and chat up some cute women. When somone suggests you two meet, you space them out through the week (or month) and tell him when he has a date that he needs to clean up for.

Sure, they will probably realize that the guy they are on a date with isn’t as suave as the one who was chatting with them, but at least it gets him to wash the dishes. You get to enjoy a clean, empty apartment with your girl, he meets new people, and everybody wins. I can’t see anything that would go wrong with this, except maybe if your girlfriend finds out you have become a regular on a bunch of dating websites. That might not go so well.

Use private browsing,
Ryan and Matt