The hedgehog and his schmeckle

With over 4000 women under his belt — and in his pants — Ron Jeremy is an intimidating force to be reckoned with. What do you ask a man whose entire career can be summed up in nine inches?

This past week, I struggled with the same question. After a few days of strenuous research, I decided to begin with the reason he came to Pittsburgh in the first place, his book: Ron Jeremy: The Hardest (Working) Man in Hollywood. This past Friday, his book signing at Joseph-Beth Booksellers in the South Side brought some Pittsburgh porn fans out of the woodwork; Jeremy was welcomed with oohs and ahs, cameras, and people trying to shake his hand.

“Check out the pictures in the book,” he said to the crowd, before he began signing. I picked up a copy and flipped through. I was a little disappointed in the graphic content — breasts, breasts, and more breasts, but no documentation of the hedgehog’s famous, self-referenced “schmeckle.”

Dressed in wind-pants, sandals, and a T-shirt, Jeremy stood signing books and taking pictures. His hair was uncombed, and he looked completely at ease signing books and kissing women (and babies) — yeah, he was quite the unlikely porn star, and with over 1000 adult films to his name, perhaps an even more unlikely author. But Ron Jeremy Hyatt is a well-educated man; he earned bachelor’s degrees in both education and theater as well as a master’s degree in special education from Queen’s College, City University of New York. In the end, it kind of makes sense that he would write a book, too.

“I was approached in the past about doing a book,” said Jeremy, “and I was never satisfied with the money that was offered or the people involved, and then finally Harper Collins made an offer to me that I liked, and I said, ‘Sure, why not?’ There were a lot of things that were not in my documentary Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy, a lot of facts that were never in there, especially some of the scandalous stories of loving celebrities.... They’re fun stories.”

But enough about the book...You want to know what I wanted to know, and while you can read it in his book (or watch it in his...documentary), what could be easier than reading it here? Everyone loves a quickie.

On the steel city: “I love Pittsburgh. It’s like a blue-collar town; nice architecture, friendly people — very friendly people — and very attractive women. Nice clubs, good food...”

On men and women, sex and love, and dogs: “Men don’t seem to get jaded. Women sometimes do, but not all of them do; some of them just love recreational sex as well.... There’s [sex] and there’s making love. There’s different feelings. It involves different parts of the brain sometimes — the hypothalamus, the cerebrum — it gets a little confusing. But the fact of it is, women who make sex for a living ... often find that they’re making money for having recreational sex, and for them it’s either love or money; romance, or paycheck. The thing is, men are dirty dogs. We like sex no matter what.”

On not being jaded: “I’ll take recreational sex as well. I still love it; it hasn’t lost its appeal for me one iota. I see a new face, a new body, I’m all into it.”

On things he wouldn’t do: “I wouldn’t do anything gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I couldn’t get a rise in my Levis.... And I would never do a violent film.”

On the ideal woman: “All guys will agree with me. You know, we would take enthusiasm over gorgeous looks. I’d rather have a girl who might not be as good looking, but just really enjoys messing around, enjoys me, enjoys my personality, enjoys my schmeckle; versus a girl who’s absolutely breathtaking but is just going through the motions. ‘Oh I’ll just please Ron and call it a day, I’m not really worried about pleasing myself.’ I want a girl who wants to please herself, too — [one] that’s really horny and enthusiastic.”

And to finish: Jeremy is not married, Jeremy does not have any children, and Jeremy has only had one STD, gonorrhea, which he got while he was a special education teacher. He gets checked every week.