Penalty Shouts: a Super Bowl PSA

To battle the dual pandemics of racism and COVID-19, it takes all of us.

We've got to meet in the middle and work together. Meeting in the middle might mean splitting the difference with the 17 percent of adults who believe QAnon. It might mean sharing with the majority of Republicans who still believe the election was stolen. But everybody could be a little kinder!

So, this Super Bowl, be sure to hug your neighbor. We've all got to just turn the temperature down and relax.

Now is the time when we should be celebrating, not fighting. Our healthcare workers have been working so hard to battle the pandemic. We appreciate them so much that we wanted to gather thousands of them and our fans from across the country to show how much we care. This is what it's really all about.

And what better place to honor our healthcare workers, help fight against COVID, and recommit ourselves to ending racism than the Super Bowl. This year, of course, there were a lot of changes. We wrote "end racism" in the endzones (don't mind "Chiefs" written in bold under it). We offered all the NFL stadiums for use as vaccination centers. But just in case you thought we were being too nice, we even invited anti-mask Florida Governor Ron DeSantis. I'm sure he can smell the championship coming for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

For everybody watching from home, make sure to wear a mask. Remember how I said it takes all of us? Well, as I said, some of us aren't going to be wearing masks. You know, exercising our freedom and all. So, some of you have to double up to make up for that. But it's worth it!

Just think of all the joy the NFL brings to this country. This is going to be great! But, for you scoundrels going to Super Bowl parties: how dare you. In a pandemic? I can't think of a worse thing to do when COVID is running wild. Anyways, there's no way the big game could backfire. And if it does, it wasn't me or the fans. It's those college kids who always celebrate afterward.

I can't foresee that happening at all.