March 21 - April 19

This week your wisdom and life experiences will hit you full in the face even though you won’t be thinking about them. Don’t be afraid; it is a good thing and will help you put your life into perspective.

Apr. 20 - May 20

I don’t care how late you are to class every day, but you can’t use your buggy as an everyday means of transportation.

May 21 - June 21

Don’t lower your standards in life. You should seek out the best, but if what you seek are higher standards for the weather in Pittsburgh, then lower your standards quickly in order to avoid lots of sadness.

June 22 - July 22

Throw the books aside and enjoy Spring Carnival. Yes, you have lots of work to do, but things will be worse for you if you don’t enjoy yourself for a day or so this week.

July 23 - Aug. 22

At the Carnival concert this year, be inspired by the passion in the crowd and jump on stage to perform with Big Boi. The lawsuit and restraining order will be well worth it.

Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Hopefully it never comes to this, but take comfort in knowing that if a natural disaster were to hit, your campus organization is well equipped to build temporary structures until the National Guard arrives.

Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Note that your booth-building hardhat is for Midway only. Please don’t wear it to class next week.

Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

Whatever you do, don’t blow your top over Buggy. No matter what happens, there will always be next season.

Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Mistakes can be corrected if you put enough effort into fixing them. The first step to correcting your mistakes is to forgive yourself. After that things will be much better.

Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Look at the paper, now look up, now back at your paper. You just spent unnecessary time looking around. Look down, now look up. You are standing in the middle of the Cut. How the heck did you get there?

Jan. 20 - Feb. 18

Mind your “p”s and “q”s this week. There are alumni visiting, and you never know who just might be your boss one day. Oh, and because being polite is the proper thing to do.

Feb. 19 - March 20

Please: For your safety and the safety of others, don’t eat more than three funnel cakes this week.