Everything you need to know

Dear Rachael,

I’ll get to the point. My friend is a serial dater extreme: He’ll get with anything with female reproductive organs, even if she is dating someone else, or in any other way doesn’t belong to him. He won’t stop, it’s like an adrenaline rush for him, especially if he’s drunk. I think it’s pathetic and I hate the fact that I am associated with someone that sickening. I’ve tried telling him that what he’s doing is wrong, but he brushes it off and says it’s his right. That arrogance annoys me — so what should I do?

—Friend of a Moron,

There, there Friend,

I really like the word “moron,” it has a really delightful touch to it, don’t you think? But more importantly, you raise a very important question. What can you do? Yes, you could tell him to lay off the booze; but it’s college, and that’s unlikely. Besides, he probably won’t listen to you. Let’s see, you could warn a girl that he’s eyeing of her inevitable fate; no no, she won’t listen to you either. If he likes an adrenaline rush, you could tell him to jump off a bridge or out of a plane; no, that wouldn’t work either. It’s not even worth me thinking of other possibilities, because they will all lead to the same conclusion — that you can’t do anything.

If he disgusts you so much, cut him out of your personal circle. He’s not going to change, and if he does, it will be of his own accord. There’s nothing you can say to him to make him change.

In the mean time, watch season one of The Tudors; it’s really good, and it shows what happens to people who sleep around. In the 16th century, syphilis was no joke.

Givin’ a little love,

—Rachael

Dear Rachael,

When I like someone, I can’t stop thinking about them. I’m consumed. I think about all the different possibilities of how and when we can be together, what we’ll say, and of course what we’ll do. The only problem is, it’s all in my mind. When I see the supposed object of my secret affection, I’m overcome and I can barely speak. I’m too awkward for basic conversation, let alone ripping said person’s clothes off and taking them to bed. What can I do? Can I get over myself and go for it, or will I be destined to be alone for the rest of my life?

—Awkward for Life

Oh, Awkward,

Obviously, you already know the answers to your own questions. You know what to do. It’s just a matter of doing it. Stripping off someone’s clothes and bedding them, as you say, probably shouldn’t be your first goal though. Try basic conversation — can you even say hello to your secret lover without collapsing of awkwardness? And everything else will come along by itself, unless your attraction isn’t returned. In that case, you’re SOL. Seriously. But if you can manage to get over your awkward shyness and compete with your peers (there will almost always be competition unless you pick the runt of the litter — like dogs) you might have a chance. Ultimately it’s up to you.

Get on with it!

—Rachael