Everything you need to know

Dear Myrtle,

I’m dating a really great guy — sweet, hot, considerate, with a really nice butt — there’s just one problem: I’m a carnivore, and he’s a vegan. I’ve heard all his explanations for his choice to go vegan, and I fully support it — I just don’t want to give up meat myself. The problem is, I basically have! Every time we go out to eat, if I order something with meat in it, I get to hear all about the nation’s slaughterhouses. If I get an omelet, I’m treated to a description of chickens with their beaks cut off. The only time I get to have a guilt-free meal is if I order total rabbit food, or if he’s not there. Plus, I’m getting sick of making salad and veggie stir-fry — the only vegan things I know how to make.

When we’re not eating, he’s the best guy I’ve ever met. Do I have to go vegan to keep this guy?

—Won’t Eat No Tofu

Hey there WENT,

Dating somebody with different values than yours (whether that means vegan and carnivore, Methodist and Muslim, or country and hard rock) means that you should respect the other person’s beliefs — not that you should change to be like them. You’re letting this guy walk his little vegan feet all over you! He made his spiel, you listened, you disagreed — end of story. You’re already doing everything he could ask of you — you support his choice and even cook vegan crap for him. Now, it’s time to have a long talk with Vegan Boy and to tell him that you have a right to your own choices and that he needs to decide between you — sausages and all — and the door. If he’s really as sweet and considerate as you say, he should pick you. If he picks the door, then you can kick his hot little butt right out of it. If a guy who doesn’t respect your choices is the best guy you’ve ever met, WENT, you need to meet some more guys!

Be brave,

Myrtle

Dear Myrtle,

I want an answer to an age-old problem — who should pay on a date? I’m kind of an old-fashioned guy — the door-holding, check-picking-up type — and in the past some girls have yelled at me for being a chauvinist for this, but I think it’s just polite. And sometimes, when I ignore the check, I get dirty looks. What should I do? It’s not as if I can afford to screw up any more dates, Myrtle.

—Old-Fashioned Fella

Hey OFF,

I can’t answer for all women, because there are plenty out there who would take your actions for chivalry (or maybe even for granted) and plenty more who would be royally pissed off. But I’d say keep holding the door — any girl bothered by that has seriously got a porcupine up her butt. And it’s okay to carry heavy stuff, too, but ask her first — and if she says no, don’t push it. Girls don’t like to be thought of as helpless, but we do like to be helped. As for the check, offer to take it on the first date, but don’t just pay automatically each time. You could also say, “I’ll get it — you can get the next one.” Not only does that further the cause of equality, but you’re telling her that you want to see her again. Don’t give up, OFF, you’ll find a girl who doesn’t take your attempts to be nice so personally.

Good luck,

Myrtle